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January , 04 , 2016

I was in my room listening to my parents arguments mumbled behind the thin wall. The tension in the up and down volume of their voices was nerve-racking and anxiety provoking.  I was 7 years old, constantly worried about the possibility of escalation in their daily fights and fearful of what may happen.  I would have felt a lot better if I could have seen behind the wall and actually witnessing what was going on in their room. I sat on my bed for a few more minutes, while their voices continued triggering my fears. Finally, I got up and left my room. My parent’s room door was locked and pulling on the handle bar did not help relieving my worries. I started banging on the door and as my mom opened the door I already felt relieved.  I faked having a stomach ache as the reason for going to their room, while my mom hugged me in her arms. From the corner of my eyes I saw my dad on the bed, reading his newspaper and the TV was on. After being in the room I further realized that the fighting sounds were from a TV show that my mom was watching. All my fears were immediately released as I was totally reassured that my parents were not fighting. Surprisingly enough having a clear view of what was going on stopped me from running my imaginations wild and predicting the worst outcome.

I used this example to talk about the human need for clarity and transparency. As children we live in our imaginations while experiencing realities, so making the distinction between facts and assumptions becomes very difficult. Feeling assertion is only possible when our senses stay calm and relaxed. In the moments that we lose objective touch and fall into the worried picture of our perceptions, we are cut off from reaching the best results since we are acting on previous experiences.  Transparency allows all the relevant factors be known in a given situation and make things obvious in all views. Holding secrets or creating confusion are sabotaging acts and cloud up the outcomes; so, it is everyone’s responsibility to be curious, ask for details and clarify situations. Living without realizing things in their clear views, or feeling left in the darkness is like a little boy’s experience behind the wall. Clarity is like the light that brings us out of the dark and makes things become more transparent.

Reaching clarity is actually possible by utilizing information to reduce complexity and uncertainty. When one is not aware of his or her surroundings fear creeps in and contaminates wise judgment. The more we can expose the facts, closer we can be to reality and fairness. That is why appropriate decision making can only happen by considering all aspects of a situation. Unfortunately most people confuse truth with reality. While reality is based on actual physical and scientifically based evidence, truth is a person’s personal perception of what it is. In other words, we are generally deciding and conducting ourselves based upon what we believe as reality and not necessarily considering the real facts. Fulfillment of our goals and dreams is the product of finding the relative facts, among the truth that is taken for granted. Creating transparency is the only way that reality can stand out.

By being transparent one implies openness, communication, and accountability.  Ambiguity and vagueness create conflict and chaos while clarification and explanation bring peace and prosperity. Inexplicit communication is the root of most evils; then we are morally and ethically required to be open and honest in conveying our thoughts and our feelings. We have often learned to hide our feelings or avoid facing them, but we do not understand that transparency of feelings is at the essence of effective communication. Days and years come and go, yet we stay in our truth and ignore the realities. Moments pass and we are stuck in the past assumptions protecting our beliefs without considering all the facts.

As the New Year has arrived, are you planning to look behind the wall and see what actually is going on in your life? Would you like to make it a year of clarity and openness? I invite you to practice transparency and notice how it can bring you closer to comfort and peace. Let’s join hands and find out the realities that we may be afraid of. I have learned that I cannot hide behind the walls of anxiety and assumptions; so, I hope that everyone I know can also get out of the box of truth and examine what is real. Being aware of reality is holding the key to success and happiness.

I whole-heartedly wish you a Happy New Year, especially in the year that you are willing to be real to yourself and others. May your fears be washed off in the light of your transparent communication skills. May your new experiences be realized by reaching success.  May you live in peace and harmony as your uncertainties and doubts turn into fulfillment and bliss.