It takes Two Happy Healthy Whole People to make One Happy Healthy Whole relationship
Let’s talk about the power of wholeness, and how we show up in a relationship can determine the outcome.
For a relationship to work and be healthy, we need to work towards adding to each other’s wholeness and make a win-win relationship (+, +).
But, most of us get into a relationship wishing for the other to complete us, to make us happy, to fulfill whatever we lack within ourselves. When two not-emotionally-whole people with emotional wounds, insecurities, and baggage come together, the relationship most certainly will face many challenging encounters.
Contrary to the myth, two “halves” don’t equal to one “whole” in a relationship.
So what happens when we get into a relationship, depending on the other person to complete us? To make us happy? To bring us joy? To provide us with emotional security, financial security? Or whatever else we seek from our partner?
Needing another person for love and our happiness intensifies the “holes” or the lacks, and reaching “wholeness” becomes an impossible task.
Even if our partner is willing to give us everything that we desire, eventually, there comes a time that they feel drained. They feel the relationship is lopsided, and they are not getting the acknowledgment or the appreciation they deserve. They feel like a giving machine and sooner or later stop giving.
Now, it might not even be that they choose not to give, let’s say they have a bad day, or week or even a month…and they can’t be as attentive as they used to be. What happens then?
Or even worse, what happens when two incomplete people get together looking for love, happiness, and joy from the other?
They come together because they EXPECT, the other to fulfill them. Now at the beginning of the relationship, since everything is new and exciting we feel that we are getting the love, the attention, and validation from our partner; BUT, EVERY RELATIONSHIP goes through a rough period. They are going to be times when we go through a struggle as a couple or individually.
The moment, the person that we feel is responsible for making us feel happy, significant, or validated stops feeding us, the relationship becomes rocky; we start feeling angry, resentful, blameful, disappointed, and unloved.
We start complaining and say things like: You don’t make me happy anymore; he doesn’t love me anymore; She doesn’t care about me anymore. This is where most relationships fail; because of UN-FULFILLED EXPECTATIONS. When we expect the other person to fulfill our expectation and they don’t, we feel a lack, and a disconnect and the relationship starts to fall apart.
So how do we need to show up in our relationship?
When two people that are whole and complete come together, magic happens, deep connection happens, passion happens, LOVE happens.
When two whole people come together in their wholeness, they stimulate each other. They bring out the best in each other, they complement each other, rather than completing each other.
The overlapping of these two complete and whole individuals is where true love happens. This is when you allow the other person to shine while you shine. When you allow each other to have their own personal spaces without feeling a lack or a void. You have a common goal as a team while having individual goals and aspirations.
You increase and stimulate the other’s happiness, but are not depend it on it. Two whole people don’t need to make a point to each other that I am right. You see when you come from the mindset of wholeness, you don’t have the need to be correct. You can have a difference of opinion, but you don’t need to chew the other person out to make them wrong and make yourself right. Your mindset shifts from being right to I accept that we have a difference of opinion. You compromise.
How do we become whole?
To be the whole one must practice self-love.
The longest, most intimate relationship you have is with yourself.
The need for your emotional wellbeing is the core and the foundation of
self-love. Self-love happens when we are emotionally content, and when
we truly and genuinely accept who we are regardless of what we have and
what we don’t have.