One of the most common questions I get in my practice is how do I achieve my goals? How do I stay motivated, inspired and cultivate a mindset for success? Why is it so hard to achieve what I want? Why can’t I…?
The answer is simple, yet sometimes hard to recognize. That is…
Know what you want!
Imagine going to a restaurant and when the waiter/or the waiters come to get your order you say, Hmm…I don’t want the soup; I certainly don’t want the burger, don’t think I want the fish either….
What do you think happens?
Most certainly the waiter will say something like this: “I’ll come back in a few minutes when you decide what you want”. If you are lucky he will say it with a smile and not the rolling of the eye!
Same goes with our life. Universe provides, as long as we know what to ask for.
Imagine for a second how much mental energy is wasted on thinking and getting frustrated on the things we don’t want!
If you don’t know what you want, how do expect it to manifest?
Recognize how bad you want it.
Most of us know so well what we don’t want, but we’re not so good at knowing exactly what we do want, and sometimes even if we know what we want, the desire is not strong enough.
We wish we had that great body or that amazing relationship or that dream job. BUT, we don’t want it bad enough to really take action towards it. Maybe we think it would be nice to have it; yet we don’t feel it’s imperative enough to make some major shifts in our lives.
If you want something as bad as your next breath, you will find a way to manifest it.
Deep inside, I always wanted to be of service, I loved the idea of being a therapist or a coach. The thought of seeing people relieved from emotional pain and living their best lives gave me pleasure.
For years this was just a wish; it was an “it would be nice, but…” kind of an attitude. The dream wasn’t big enough for me to take action. It wasn’t a necessity and certainly not a priority. Until the voice inside me got louder and louder to a point that it couldn’t be ignored.
The yearning and longing could not be avoided. I started to read relevant books and attend seminars and workshops. I probably read and listened to every article and video on the internet on related subjects.
The “wanting” consumed my life, it became bigger than anything else in my life. I woke up with it; I went to bed with it. It was all I could think about. The more I researched, the more ads to become certified popped up on my screen. I meticulously studied all of them and finally found the perfect fit.
I knew that this was the right move, and it was the right time. I remember as I was signing up, my heart was racing and an immense sense of excitement filled my whole body. It felt right, and I was finally on the path to achieving one of my long overdue dreams. I was ready to do whatever it takes.
“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” - Napoleon Hill
Detecting your true desire level.
Confession! (and not an easy one to admit); I don’t know how to ride a bike! And why am I sharing this with you?
Well because my husband is an avid biker, one of his dreams is for us to go on biking trips. He even volunteered to teach me. When I refused, he offered to get me a trainer, when I refused a trainer, he begged and pleaded, and I still refused to learn.
Do I want to know how to bike? Heck yes! Do I wish I could bike? of course!
So why didn’t I? Because the “wanting” isn’t big enough for me. I want to learn to bike, but I am scared to fall and break my bones. I am not willing to get scraped and bruised. I am not willing to swivel out of control and smash into a pole!
Will any of these things actually happen? The answer really doesn’t matter… These are all excuses I have made in my head because I don’t want it bad enough. If I wanted to bike as bad as my husband wanted me to, I would do anything it takes; including broken bones, scrapes, and bruises. The reasons for why I shouldn’t outweigh my reasons for why I should.
The right strategy on how to make something a reality will show itself when you are clear on what you do want. ALWAYS, no exception.
How do you know what you want?
- Answering these questions will give you clarity on what it is that you want:
- What direction do you want your life to go?
- What excites you in life?
- If you could be, do, or have anything in life, what would you choose?
- What would you do if failure was not an option?
- What are your most enjoyable achievements, no matter how big or small?
- What gives you the most joy in life?
- Who inspires you? What values do they have?
- Go through your answers and see what words and or phrases stand out to you and have the most significance and meaning to you. Highlight them, and then re-write the highlighted words or phrases onto a separate sheet of paper.
It may look something simple like this:
Have an impact, spending time with the ones I love, writer, read, be a public speaker, getting my degree, honesty, disciplined, traveling…
- Now, schedule an actionable task for each one of the words or phrases.
- Ask yourself, how can I make a small impact today?
- Set aside a couple of hours a week and dedicate it to writing
- Start reading a new book by setting aside time for it
- Whenever you get a chance in social gatherings, or at work, create a platform to speak in front of a group
- Plan your next vacation (even if it is only for a day)
- And so on…!
These small actionable tasks boost your confidence, increase your happiness, and ultimately lead you to where you want to be in life. Remember, small actions build momentum, momentum builds motivation, and motivation drives you to your goals.
Don‘t wait for an epiphany or for someone or something outside of yourself to give you that Aha moment, be proactive in your own life and create the life you desire. Living life fully means you are in control of your destiny.
Remember, your “What You Want” is not set in stone; it is perfectly ok to want many things in life or to change your mind and pursue something totally different than what you previously thought you wanted; as long as you give it your all and do whatever it takes to achieve it. Don’t make challenges an excuse for changing your path.
When was the last time you tried really hard, REALLY HARD to achieve something?